Alcohol…. long thought of as the Great Relationship Lubricant.  (Or at least something that kicks it into gear).  Want a comedic example?

Turn on your television or check out this awesome comic: http://www.interrobangstudios.com/potluck/index.php?strip_id=957

But more to the point… 

Alcohol is one of those things that is used in many social functions; it helps people to loosen up and enjoy themselves since it relieves inhibitions.  Alcohol is also widely used in relationships; to start them, to enhance them, and to get over them.  It is used to improve courage for a pick up, to get rid of inhibitions for sexual encounters and to forget about a bad break up.  However, alcohol has its problems as well, especially if you want to have a safer relationship.

• Alcohol is a Depressant.  Maybe at the time you feel excited or jumpy or happy, but actually alochol inhibits your ability to feel anything (resulting in that numb feeling). While it may strengthen ‘happy’ feelings, it also strengthens the negative ones; making things like anger, depression, and grief even stronger.  Furthermore, it trashes your mental abilities and makes it hard for you to work anything through properly.  When you drink to forget, you’re only putting off the ineveitable.
• Alcohol and Diseases.  Alcohol is linked to a host of physical problems including kidney cancer, stomach problems, erectile dysfunction, weight gain, infertility, and more cosmetic problems like bad teeth and skin.  None of these things are conducive to good sex!
• Alcohol and the bar scene.  Alcohol lubricates the bar scene.  It’s a quick source of cash for the workers and the way that many one night stands are set to happen.  However, it must be handled carefully; alcohol is also a prime resting place for ‘date-rape’ drugs.  Never leave your drink unattended and bring your own bottle of water.

You certainly don’t have to abstain altogether!  It would be silly to give up alcohol entirely; it can be a great thing to indulge in from time to time and a good way to enjoy a social gathering.  However, don’t rely on it in order to get into the sack; you’ll just end up with muzzy memories, a sense of guilt, and sometimes worse things out of a night of missed judgement.  And doing this too much is highly detrimental to your health, physcially, emotionally and mentally.

Do YOU drink and relationship?  How common is it really or are we all dragged into it thinking that because it’s on televsion, it’s prevelent?

I read a wonderful article about a year back from a writer on relationships.  She discussed how in America, she has sweated, dieted, fought, and screamed to be skinny-the ideal ‘American’ in other words.  However, when she traveled to Africa, she was considered something a freak for being the weight she was-she was too skinny!  (and at this point, she though that she was too fat by American media standards.)  [if someone could give me the link to this article, that would be great ]

The reason why this has wandered into my head is because I’ve been a bit obsessesive over my own weight and appearance.  I don’t think I’m ugly or obese, but when a woman asks you when you’re expecting to deliver and then goes on to ‘console’ you by saying she has a gut too, you have to wonder!  I think that the horrid worm of self doubt has been trashing my sexual feelings too; I’m no nymphomaniac, but I do generally have a healthy sex life, but lately I’ve been so busy doing stomach crunches, drinking water, and feeling lousy that I have had no sex life, which kinda trashes the whole point of the thing since I want to be more slender to feel more sexy. 

If I were in Africa, they would feed me up and call me bad names, ha ha!

So what’s the difference here?  Well, according to the article, it’s considered beautiful to be fat in Africa because it means you’ve got enough to eat.  In a land where starvation rages across the people, taking lives like a child takes candy, being pudgy is highly desirable.  Now if we carry that thought, our obsession with being skinny means that we have enough to eat and don’t have to worry about it anymore; we can concentrate on not eating instead!  After all, if you never worry about where your next meal comes from, you can obsess over how to make the least of it. 

It makes me wonder if maybe it’s time we swap-the West can starve for a while (and get skinny!) and Africa can have our food and all get pudgy and beautiful!  Of course, if that happened, they’d probably go our way and we’d have to swap back again. 

It’s interesting though how our feelings of sexualness, our culture and our body weight are all tangled up together in a hopeless web.  Just like the country that has been at war for so long and won the day turns to the importance of peace, it seems that our attitudes towards food and body weight follow the same trend.  If you don’t have food, you want it and think being fat is wonderful; if you have food, you don’t want it and think being skinny is wonderful.  But honestly, the whole thing is odd anyway; you’d think that if you were pudgy it would show you’re well off enough to eat whatever you want-but here in the west, it’s a sign of a lack of control rather than an abundance of wealth and so pudgy people can be less desirable because we don’t want a mate with no control. 

All in all, it shows that our culture is so prevalent for us that it can overrule genetics and good sense!  And if this sounds rambly, it’s likely because I’m sick and can’t straigthen out my thoughts today.

Now I should get back to not eating ice cream in +30 heat and feeling fat, but prosperous.  

See you all soon! 

Oh how fun!  Today, since the topic wandered into my head after moderating comments (no comments actually had anything to do with fetishes before you go charging off to look), I’m going to do a quick run down of some of the stranger fetishes out there.

Now before we begin, I’d like to point out that ‘to each his own’; different people like different things, so when I say ’strange’, I actually mean… erm…. well, anything I say will sound as though I’m being mean or judgemental.  I’m not!  How about ‘unique’.  Yeah, that works…

Achem.

A fetish is defined as the ability to be aroused or satisfied through an inanimate object.  In the case of body parts (such as the class foot fetish) it is the objectifying of that body part and its glorification above the owner of said body part. Fetishness is actually more common than a lot of people think, but it has to be watched because an obsession with a fetish can develop into mental disorder called paraphilia.  While couples can find freedom and sexual release through a fetish, it can also make one partner or the other feel uncomfortable when it is used too much.

So with that definition in hand, on with the show:

Formicophilia: If you don’t like bugs, this one isn’t for you.  Formicophilia is the fetish of having insects crawl on your genitals.  It’s speculated that this particular fetish is more common in developing countries simply because that’s where you’ll grow up with bugs on you.  centipedes on your penis anyone?

Vorarephilia:  If you empathize with Hannibal Lector, you might like this one…. Vorarephilia is the fetish of being sexually aroused by the idea of being eaten by someone, eating someone or watching someone eat someone.  Yes it’s real.  Where it comes from no one knows since you can’t actually make your sexual fantasy come true unless you know of a really well trained shark or don’t mind murder.  Good thing this one will be in your head. They rub the lotion on their skin or else they get the hose again…

Robot Fetishism : Just as the name suggests, this fetish applies to people who daydream about having sex with a robot.  Or a person in a robot suit will do.  But to get real bang, it’s supposed to be a robot.  It gives new meaning to the term ‘being plugged in’, doesn’t it?  I don’t want anyone to think we’re robosexual or anything, so if anyone asks, you’re my debugger.

Inflatophilia: Instead of being scared of balloons or inflatables, you love them.  You love them a lot…. Inflatophilia is the fetish of being aroused by blow up dolls and inflatable toys.  You can also get off on people in inflatable suits or just the idea of a person swelling up like a balloon. 

Tramplophilia…? : Ok, I don’t know the name for this one, but there are guys (and likely girls) out there who get off on being stepped on.  What’s worse is that sometimes men get off on the idea of having their testicles stepped on.  With heels.  I cringe at the thought and I’m a woman.  (Fun fact: I asked my DH about this and he looked at me like I’d gone insane.  I had to agree with him.)  But I’ve seen it in erotica before-the heels on testes part I mean-so it must work on some level for some people.

And of course the all too common and very disgusting poop fetish.  Please don’t make me elaborate.  Suffice to say-poop. And sometimes urine.  I’ll let your imagination fill in the rest.

Well, I just researched that for you and I can’t unresearch it.  Bah.

See all you sexy people soon.

I cannot believe how many people have been reading this and enjoying it!  It’s highly flattering and it’s made me think that viable or not, commercially speaking, I should keep at it! 

You see, that’s been the problem of late.  I’m the writer for this site and as the writer, I would be getting paid, but I have not been getting paid, thus have not been writing.  But then I’ve been reading all of the wonderful comments, and, well, I also do this for love of the craft, so let the craft…. BEGIN!

I’ve been reading all different things of late and I think I still have a bit of the Gaia mentality left in me (Gaia being the adult short stories I was writing) because I’m still drawn a bit to adult content stories and though they are very graphic at times, I can’t help myself.  I really would like to help myself, because, sheesh! some of this stuff is very…. well, it’s easy to picture things.  Bad things.  Which I suppose makes the writer good at what he or she has been doing, but it’s something I wouldn’t have once shown any interest in doing before working on this particular website.  So, in keeping with all this communication on this blog, I want to know: 

What are some of your guilty pleausures that you would not let anyone know if you could?  (I’m not looking for details here; you can be as sketchy as romance novels if you’re so inclined). 

The reason why I ask is because we, as a society, condemn a lot of these things-that is, pornography (adult, consenting; I’m not touch child porn because I think it’s sick), adult videos, adult books, and even adult music; and yet, most of us have brushed up against it and some point or another and liked some facet of it!  I don’t like adult movies, but a short story…. well, oddly fascinating, like I said.  I think that the reason for the liking is twofold: it’s forbidden, therefore sexy; and we are hardwired to respond to images and words that are meant to elicit a sexual response from us.  Men are more image driven (hence the movies and magazines) and women are more word driven and go into their imagination (hence the romance novels). 

I would go on to say that it’s time for an arts sexual revolution except that if it became an accepted norm, it would probably lose some of the spice and thus would be less popular.  After all, if it’s not forbidden, you can do it all the time and then it gets dull.  I think instead, we should keep at it, but in moderation.  So, enjoy your romance books and porns; but remember:

It’s not real

It will never be real.

And it’s best enjoyed in small doses.

See all you sexy people soon!

Premature ejaculation is a problem for about 30% of men in the world; it causes embarrassment, tension, and problems in a relationship.  It also feeds on itself; the more embarrassed a man is about the issue, the more likely it is that he will continue having it and the more difficult it will be to mend it.  One of the problems with finding a premature ejaculation cure lies in the definition of what ‘premature’ is.

Most couple can agree that an ejaculation after about ten seconds or a minute is premature.  After all, this isn’t enough time to do much of anything!  But after a minute or two, the definition of premature becomes fuzzy.  For some women, five minutes is all right, while for others, twenty minutes is premature! The other problem is that many people feel like varying times for sex; sometimes fast, sometimes slow, so premature becomes subjective dependent on mood.

The best wayto figure out premature vs satisfying in sex is to keep the coversations going.  Time itself isn’t what matters when it comes to sex; what matters is satsifaction and this can come fro a variety of things in sex, not just time.  If you’re struggling with premature ejaculation, then you can work towards conquering it by not only looking into premature ejaculation cures, but also ways to make even only a few minutes of sex more satisfying such as foreplay, compassion, humor, and of course practice!

It seems odd to me that romance, something heralded as remarkable, miraculous, beautiful, and even awe inspiring is based on nothing more than the alchemy of brain chemicals and hormones. After all, scientists have shown that love comes about from the equation of attraction + comfort feelings + emotional bonding multiplied by sex and time spent together; none of these things being solely miraculous or worthy of a myriad of songs and poetry.

The alchemy of romance is as such:

Smell. One of the things that people choose their partner on is smell; that alchemy of scent molecules that make one person smell irresistible and others smell terrible. Deodorant, perfumes, and cologne can only take you so far; you have to just have the good luck of not smelling like a garbage pile! Fertile women smell on a subconscious level to men that makes them irresistible, but even that’s not enough. For reasons beyond your control (the substance known as MHC or major histocompatibility complex which ensures that people will only breed if there’s a good chance that the fetus will come to term, to be specific) people find each other attractive or just friends.

Taste. This same substance, MHC, can also be found in saliva and may be the reason why we kiss passionately as a way to decide whether someone is worth the time to have intercourse with or not. You could have the perfect kiss and still fail because of that pesky chemical compound.

Appearance. Of course appearance matters, but not in the way you think. Women with ample chests (duh), but also wide hips are considered more attractive to men than skinny chicks (eat your heart out diet magazines!) whereas men with broad shoulders and chests are considered most attractive. This is because large hips/breasts=better child bearing and broad shoulders/chests=ability to bring home the bacon. Even in today’s sedentary world, this still rings true.

Testosterone. Testosterone is found largely in men, but also in women. Testosterone is also a sex drive chemical and thus a romance drive chemical. It makes people more romantically inclined and can be found not only in the body, but even in the saliva of men! So when you kiss, the women is getting a dose of testosterone which hyper drives her sex drive. So much for the romantic kiss!

Romance is also caused by a chemical hit from dopamine (a pleasure causing hormone in the brain) which makes you anticipate seeing someone or doing something, and creates more pleasure which makes you happier to see someone which leads to love and romance! The next part is serotonin and more importantly oxytocin. Oxytocin, also known as the binding chemical, makes women and men feel more attached to each other and is released in conjunction with dopamine to make a connection stick. Oxytocin is the same chemical which binds mothers fiercely to their newborn child by the way.

But for all this alchemical information, romance continues to astound researchers and lovers alike, for though it’s all very fine and well to <I>know</I> that what you’re feeling is being caused by brain chemicals and tens of thousands of years of breeding, nothing quite prepares you for that first rush of happiness, adrenaline, and arousal; and that my dear ladies and gentlemen is where all the poetry, sitcoms, novels and songs extolling love comes from!

But in the end, it’s all an alchemical brew.　

We got back from our vacation a few days ago and since we were sleeping at my relatives and didn’t have a lot of carnal relations (plus we finally got married and that had to be consummated), we, er…

Well you get the idea.

Afterwards, likely due to my job as a seeker of adult content and my own shaky confidence, I had to wonder if I had done a decent job of pleasuring my new husband.  He of course was thrilled and went straight to sleep, but I was left wondering. Further analysis revealed that part of my insecurities may lie in my job.  After all, I see/read/research means of having better sex and this includes porn.

But porn sex is not real sex.  It’s not even remotely real sex.  I’m sure you all know that intellectually, but it can still smack you in the face when you least expect it (especially if your partner watches porn) and you’re left wondering: are you good enough?

But no one is good enough to be porn sex!  Here’s why:

Porn sex is choreographed and the act is done over and over again at different angles.  Then the product is airbrushed, photoshopped, and otherwise fixed.  (and did you know there are porn stunt doubles for the close shots?)

Porn sex is a good deal…. neater, mostly due to the fact that the finished product has been edited.  You won’t have any damp spots, queefing, or anything other than elegantly sweaty limbs.  Plus everyone is shaven.  Now how many men do you know will shave their bodies?  (how many of us want them to?)

Porn sex has a script to follow, usually a bad one, but a script nonetheless.  It’s rehearsed and memorized and ad-libbed just like any other script.  It also has a director and cameras.

Porn sex is done by professionals who only like each other as coworkers.

Now,while the finished product may be something that is sexy and fulfilling for some people, it’s not real.  The whole thing is made up.  And so, if you’re in a relationship, the real sex will be far more fulfilling than any stageplay anyway. 

A final thought: Do you really want to work as hard on that sex scene in your own bedroom as those porn stars do?  Someone shouting ‘CUT!’ and telling cameras to move to the left? 

Yeah, I didn’t think so. 

Happy sex everyone and talk to you all soon.

Yup, I’m off on vacation for a couple of weeks, so no new posts here.  I can hear you weeping!  (all one or two of you, lol). 

But in the meantime, I leave you with these sites to visit.

www.gambirshop.com–> the one stop place to get the best premature ejaculation cure today~

www.her-libido.com—>  low female libido sucks.  Ramp it up with the product found here!

Finally I’d like to point out that a vacation can really help the sex life too!  So don’t forget to have fun this summer too.  All work and no play, etc.

See everyone in a couple of weeks!

Ok, we’ve looked at some of the most well used ways to have safe sex, so now it’s time to look at the worst ways to do it! Some of these are tried and true (resulting in my gorgeous son by the way!) so if you’re trying to avoid pregnancy, STDs, or any anxiety tied to these things, AVOID THESE SO CALLED ‘SAFE SEX’ METHODS!

With a reputation among teens as old as time, the old pull out method is a stand by used by young men to avoid wearing a condom. The idea behind it is simple: pull out before you ejaculate and that way, you avoid shooting your sperm into your girlfriend. This method may have history, but it doesn’t work. This is because even a man’s lubrication has sperm in it and it only takes one of these little buggers to make a baby. Plus there’s no guarantee that he’ll be able to pull out before ejaculating anyway.

Fun? Yes. Safe? Not so much. The idea behind this one is that if you have sex while standing up, the sperm won’t be able to go anywhere because they’ll be fighting against gravity and will fail. Although sperm will have a slightly harder time of it going uphill, so to speak, the woman’s vagina muscles are built to help sperm go to where they need to go through muscle contractions and through a woman’s own lubrication cushioning the run. Sex standing up may look great in a porn, but it’s useless as a contraceptive.

A common one and great if you’re low on lubrication. The idea behind this one-both in a pool, bath, or shower-is that the sperm will be washing away before they can get into the woman’s body. Of course, this is completely wrong since the man’s penis will be inside of the woman where there isn’t any water! But this one persists anyway.

The calendar method of figuring out when a woman is fertile or not is based around the fact that women are really only fertile for about one hundred hours a month, around 11-16 days before her period. However, it’s that ‘around’ that trips people up. Trying to figure out when it’s safe to have sex around a calendar is like playing Russian Roulette; you’ll probably be right, but then again, you might not be. The only way to do this method properly is through the Billing’s Method of Natural family planning; and even it’s by no means a sure thing.

Masturbating before sex has a few benefits-it makes men go longer and gets them warmed up. However, where it flops is as a contraceptive. The idea behind this one is that when you shoot off the first time, you’ll get rid of all your sperm (or most of it anyway) and thus greatly reduce the odds of impregnating your partner. It fails because, just like with the Pull it out method, it only takes one lucky sperm to make a baby.

If your partner tries to pull any of these on you, shut him (or her!) down quick. These are the worst ways to have safe sex, not the best ways!

Have a nice day folks!

Many religions, especially Christianity, have problems with using contraception devices as a way to prevent pregnancy. This is because most religions believe that humanity should only have sex to procreate, not for recreation, so contraception devices should not be necessary. In reality of course, many couples were having sex for the fun of it and when the birth control pill was introduced in the 1960s, recreational sex even in the most religious was growing more common place. In order to deal with the fact that women were able to have sex without worrying about pregnancy, the Roman Catholic Church cracked down on the use of birth control and offered up the alternative of natural family planning as an alternative. Natural family planning is meant to be a way for women to avoid getting pregnant without taking any medication or using any devices.

Natural Family Planning is based around the fact that the menstrual cycle of women has periods of infertility in it when it’s much harder or nearly impossible for women to get pregnant. It is at these times where it safe for women to have unprotected sex, or so the theory goes, and thus there is no need for things like birth control pills or even condoms. There are three kinds of natural family planning methods: the Rhythm method which goes by the cycle of a woman’s body; the Billing’s method which relies on a woman’s sense of whether she is feeling fertile or infertile using things like body temperature and the kinds of fluids they’re letting out of their bodies; and ecological breastfeeding.

Rhythm Method

The rhythm method of natural family planning is based around the idea that women have predictable menstrual cycles. By following the rhythm of: menstruation, infertility, fertility and infertility, women using this method hope to either avoid getting pregnant or increase the chances of it. Although the rhythm method is no longer recognised as being a ‘natural family planning’ method, it’s one that’s commonly lumped in anyway so many women use it. The main problem with it is that it does not take into account the fact that menstrual cycles are easily affected and so it’s not the most effective method.Billing’s Method

The Billing’s Method is the most commonly used one when it comes to natural family planning and the one that is usually recommended. It uses a few factors in a woman’s body to work: body temperature, the consistency of vaginal fluids, and sheer gut instinct on the part of the woman to determine whether she is fertile or infertile. Women who are in their ovulating period have a higher body temperature and fluids with the consistency of uncooked egg whites. Some women also get bloating, cramps, and tenderness. By avoiding sex during these periods, the chances of getting pregnant are much lower. When used properly, this method has an above 90% rate of effectiveness; not as high as birth control pills or condoms, but still very high. However, the method must be applied exactly, or it won’t work at all.Ecological Breastfeeding

Ecological breastfeeding is based around the idea that when a woman is breastfeeding, she is largely infertile. This is because breastfeeding releases hormones that halt ovulation. By breastfeeding for 1-2 years, a woman can easily space out her pregnancies while giving her child the best start to life. Ecological breastfeeding is a highly effective form of birth control, but you have to breast feed often and with no supplementing; something that is very difficult for most women in this day and age.

Natural family planning is most heavily endorsed by the Roman Catholic Church, but it is also enjoyed by any woman who is mistrustful of the pill or condoms, or who would prefer to let the dice roll as they will. When used properly, methods are very effective, but it only takes one slip up for these methods to be rendered useless, so if you want to opt for natural family planning, make sure you know exactly what you’re doing first.